Imagine: Knowing Yourself

Who is David Andrew Wiebe?

This has become an increasingly important question over the last few days as God has been showing me what I’ve been striving for over the last 13 years.

I’ve been seeking approval from my dad.

My dad passed on when I was 13. Shortly before leaving this world, he made me do a lot of things that he thought were for my benefit. He wanted me to learn English, because my reading and writing skills were poor. He wanted me to read my Bible, get better grades in school, write emails, and all sorts of things I wasn’t ready to take on. I just wanted to enjoy myself, hang out with friends, and play video games. My dad never said it in so many words, but he was basically telling me that what I was doing wasn’t enough.

I don’t think my dad was ever satisfied with where he was. He always wanted to accomplish more, and move on to the next big thing. He had a reputation for multitasking, doing many things simultaneously.

I had found great joy in spending time with my friends in Japan. I had also found a lot of heartache in the expectations of my father, and the abusive behavior that some teachers exhibited in Japan. “Paradise lost”, as Eldredge puts it.

In the last 13 years I’ve far exceeded my father’s expectations. I’ve become a proficient writer, an avid guitar player, and a Christ follower. I read my Bible and other books, and I’ve become adept at using my computer. I know how to construct web pages and send emails.

That’s all well and good, but this is the life my father wanted for me, not the life that I wanted. Would he be proud of me? I don’t know. Like I said, he wasn’t really satisfied with any level of performance. It’s one thing to have higher expectations for somebody; It’s quite another to fail to empower your own child.

Who is David Andrew Wiebe? I don’t know. I’m still looking. God please show me.