seems to be so unsatisfying. Just quietly taking my requests to the
Lord - why don't you fix this? Why don't you make this better? I
need some sort of satisfaction - something to get me through.
What I realized, however, about halfway through, was that I was asking
the wrong question - from the wrong perspective - and getting the
wrong answer. I wasn't asking for satisfaction, I was asking for
satiation. I was saying "I have this desire - I want you to make it
feel better so I don't have to suffer." I was looking for a selfish
high, a fix. "Lord, give me the happy pills so I don't have to get
down to solving whatever is really wrong.
Satisfaction, true satisfaction, is not found in what Christ does for
me, but is a personal choice. I can choose to be satisfied that His
work on the cross is complete, or I can choose to not. I can choose
to be satisfied that I have been given life and so many blessings that
come with it, or not. Satisfaction does not mean that all my desires
are met, but it means that I accept what I have been given so I can
continue walking the path with my savior.
We were never promised satiation. Even when we get to heaven, we're
going to be there eternally. If all our desires were met the instant
we got there, we'd be in for a really, really boring infinite choir
practice. The Lord knows, because he's created us, that we are
insatiable. We desire more. I will never be loved enough where I say
"oh, watch out - stop loving me - I'm done." We may be temporarily
sated for a time, but it never lasts.
Satisfaction, the the other hand, is a dynamic variable, based not on
how we feel in the moment, but on how we interpret what is happening
to us. I am satisfied that the Lord chooses to talk to me, even when
I don't think He's there or doubt Him. I am satisfied when He
overturns my plans for His. I am satisfied when He brings truth.
However, that does not mean my desire is completely fulfilled - it
means, if anything, I am shown how much more desire there is yet to
come.
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